SM Joke Card Dump
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Showing all 48 cards
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Flying, vigilance
As long as you're playing at FNM, Insaneplayer Angel has protection from everything.
Insaneplayer Angel gets +1/+1 for each full 100 Planeswalker Points you've earned this season.
As long as you're playing at FNM, Insaneplayer Angel has protection from everything.
Insaneplayer Angel gets +1/+1 for each full 100 Planeswalker Points you've earned this season.
0/0
Put 300 1/1 white Soldier creature tokens with defender onto the battlefield. You can't cast spells for the rest of the game.
Madness
Madness
Draw your hand. (Lay it flat against a sheet of paper and run along the outline with a pen or pencil, then color it and show it to your mommy.)
R
Sorcery
Players play a Magic subgame, using their libraries as decks. Each player who doesn't win the subgame loses half his or her life, rounded up. Then each player shuffles all cards he or she owns from the subgame into his or her library.
Miracle
Miracle
It'll be a MIRACLE if this game actually finishes in time!
When The Fourth Wall is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, if three other cards named The Fourth Wall are in your graveyard, you win the game.
It likes being broken.
0/10
Enchant planeswalker
Enchanted planeswalker is unattackable.
Enchanted planeswalker is unattackable.
"You can't see me, I'm invisible now! Just like the money in your wallet."
Change the text of target nontoken creature you own by writing your choice of "flying", "shadow", "shroud", or "protection from green" in its text box. (This effect doesn't end...ever. At least not if you had the sense to write in non-erasable ink.)
: Counter target spell. Activate this ability only any time you could cast an interrupt. (You could cast interrupts between August 1993 and April 1999.)Counter target spell. If you do, at the beginning of your next precombat main phase, add 
to your mana pool, where X is that spell's converted mana cost. If a Spirit or Arcane spell is countered this way, destroy all creatures you control. (As if you're playing any.)
to your mana pool, where X is that spell's converted mana cost. If a Spirit or Arcane spell is countered this way, destroy all creatures you control. (As if you're playing any.)
Illus. Lora Rosewater
Flash
You may have Quicksliver Gargantuan enter the battlefield as a copy of any Sliver creature on the battlefield, except it's 7/7 and has "Sliver cards that aren't on the battlefield have flash."
You may have Quicksliver Gargantuan enter the battlefield as a copy of any Sliver creature on the battlefield, except it's 7/7 and has "Sliver cards that aren't on the battlefield have flash."
7/7
You get an emblem with "All creatures get -5/-5" because--let's face it, they're all just going to die anyway.
"You can always use Terror, Doom Blade, Go for the Throat, Vendetta, Deathmark..."
--How to Kill a Tarmogoyf, vol. I
--How to Kill a Tarmogoyf, vol. I
Destroy target creature that has a card encoded on it.
"We may not be able to break your secrets, but we can certainly break you."
--Teysa Karlov
--Teysa Karlov
Delve
If a creature card with horsemanship was exiled with Foalslayer's delve ability, Foalslayer has horsemanship. The same is true for "When this creature dies, you gain 1 life" and "
, 
: Target Dwarf gains mountainwalk until end of turn."
If a creature card with horsemanship was exiled with Foalslayer's delve ability, Foalslayer has horsemanship. The same is true for "When this creature dies, you gain 1 life" and "
, : Target Dwarf gains mountainwalk until end of turn."3/3
Until end of turn, you gain "Pay 2 life: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool."
Limited time offer! Call Master Karn now at 425-204-8069 and if you're lucky, you might even live to hang up the phone!
Your range of influence becomes 0.
"I don't care what you want. I'm not scared by what you can do. I don't even know if you're out there. I know what I am, and that's enough."
Whenever you use the Magic Store & Event Locator to find tournaments in your area, you may pay 
. If you do, cast target nonland card in your graveyard without paying its mana cost.
. If you do, cast target nonland card in your graveyard without paying its mana cost."Just wait till I get my Magic Store & Event Locator to load...and pay all these data overage fees."
1/1
Whenever Umezawa's Kitty deals combat damage, put two yarn counters on it.
Remove a yarn counter from Umezawa's Kitty: Choose one — Umezawa's Kitty gets +2/+2 until end of turn, or put a 1/1 black Rat Zombie creature token onto the battlefield, or target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
Remove a yarn counter from Umezawa's Kitty: Choose one — Umezawa's Kitty gets +2/+2 until end of turn, or put a 1/1 black Rat Zombie creature token onto the battlefield, or target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
0/2
Oozes are red.
Vehicles crewed
by two or more creatures
get +2/+2.
Vehicles crewed
by two or more creatures
get +2/+2.
But the Heart of Kiran
will be watching you.
will be watching you.
R
Sorcery
Blazing Pact deals an amount of damage of your choice to target creature or player.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay, where X is the amount of damage Blazing Pact dealt this way. If you don't, you lose the game.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay
, where X is the amount of damage Blazing Pact dealt this way. If you don't, you lose the game.(Energizer Bunny keeps going and going...)
Energizer Bunny enters the battlefield with 20 charge counters on it.
When Energizer Bunny has no charge counters on it, go to the store and buy a new one.
Energizer Bunny enters the battlefield with 20 charge counters on it.
When Energizer Bunny has no charge counters on it, go to the store and buy a new one.
Illus. Energizer Holdings, Inc.
2/2
If Leyline of Pun-ishment is in your opening hand, you may begin the game with it on the battlefield.
If Leyline of Pun-ishment is in your closing hand, you're probably about to punch someone in the face with it. (That's going to get you disqualified, of course.)
If Leyline of Pun-ishment is in your closing hand, you're probably about to punch someone in the face with it. (That's going to get you disqualified, of course.)
(Sparked is to planeswalker as tribal is to creature.)
Multiverse of Bums is every planeswalker type (at all times).
Multiverse of Bums is every planeswalker type (at all times).
Dredge 0
When the new Guildpact allowed the Izzet to peek into other guilds' technology, the fun was only just beginning.
1/1
(Sparked is to planeswalker as tribal is to creature.)
When Vol-tron, Savior of Tarkir enters the battlefield, if it's on the battlefield, search your library for up to three Dragon creature cards and reveal them. Those cards gain bestow
. Cast any number of them for their bestow costs targeting Vol-tron, then shuffle your library.
Vol-tron gets +3/+3 for each Aura attached to it.
When Vol-tron, Savior of Tarkir enters the battlefield, if it's on the battlefield, search your library for up to three Dragon creature cards and reveal them. Those cards gain bestow
. Cast any number of them for their bestow costs targeting Vol-tron, then shuffle your library.
Vol-tron gets +3/+3 for each Aura attached to it.
4/4
Cards that aren't in the game are in their owners' graveyards in addition to not being in the game.
There are some things in this world that already make no sense. For everything else, there's Tarmostone Vortex.
Tutu Cat is 2/2.
I CAN HAZ PLUS SEVNTEEN PLUS SEVNTEEN? BUT NOT IF I HAZ TO WEAR DIS HUMEOWIATING DRESS.
19/19
Indestructible
As long as the sum of your devotions to white and blue is less than five, Fblthp isn't a creature.
You can't lose the game if you've lost life this turn.
: Another target creature loses all abilities until end of turn. (Treat an undefined power or toughness as 0.)
As long as the sum of your devotions to white and blue is less than five, Fblthp isn't a creature.
You can't lose the game if you've lost life this turn.
: Another target creature loses all abilities until end of turn. (Treat an undefined power or toughness as 0.)4/4
As long as you control an Ajani planeswalker, Ajani's Primate gets +3/+3 and has defender, and that planeswalker's loyalty abilities cost an additional +1 to activate.
3/3
Target token becomes a REAL CARD!
Just kidding. This card will now grow until it gets to be one of those 6x9 oversize cards.
Untap all creatures and gain control of them until end of turn. They gain haste, lose all other abilities, and become 4/4 Bears. At the beginning of the next end step, each of those creatures fights itself.
Care bear stare, or werebear glare?
Other spells you cast with Myojin in their names cost 
less to cast.
Mini-Myojin is indestructible as long as it has a divinity counter on it.
Grandeur – Discard another card named Mini-Myojin: Proliferate, then put a divinity counter on Mini-Myojin
less to cast.
Mini-Myojin is indestructible as long as it has a divinity counter on it.
Grandeur – Discard another card named Mini-Myojin: Proliferate, then put a divinity counter on Mini-Myojin
6/6
Sunburst (This creature enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter for each different color of mana spent to pay its cost.)
Trample
Other creatures you control have sunburst.
Trample
Other creatures you control have sunburst.
The golem used to have a horse, but it couldn't hold up all that weight and was crushed beneath its rider.
3/3
Hexproof (This permanent is 3% alcohol by volume.)
Whenever Mirrodin's Coors deals damage to a creature, tap that creature and it doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step.
: Recycle Mirrodin's Coors. (Sacrifice it. If you do, put a token onto the battlefield that's a copy of it.)
Whenever Mirrodin's Coors deals damage to a creature, tap that creature and it doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step.
: Recycle Mirrodin's Coors. (Sacrifice it. If you do, put a token onto the battlefield that's a copy of it.)2/6
If a player would become the monarch while exactly one other player is the monarch, instead both of those players become monarchs.
, : Choose a creature type, then put two 1/1 colorless creature tokens of the chosen type onto the battlefield.
, : Choose a creature type, then put two 1/1 colorless creature tokens of the chosen type onto the battlefield.Each Trap card in your hand has splice onto Trap. Its splice cost is equal to the first mana cost that appears in its text box.
As Shroud of Turing enters the battlefield, choose a color, two creature types, and two numbers, then put X charge counters on Shroud of Turing.
Whenever a creature of the first chosen creature type dies, if Shroud of Turing has exactly the first chosen number of charge counters on it, the game ends in a draw if the second chosen number is 0 or less. Otherwise, add or remove charge counters from each Contraption you control until each one has exactly the second chosen number of charge counters on it, then put a 1/1 creature token with the chosen color and second chosen creature type onto the battlefield.
Whenever a creature of the first chosen creature type dies, if Shroud of Turing has exactly the first chosen number of charge counters on it, the game ends in a draw if the second chosen number is 0 or less. Otherwise, add or remove charge counters from each Contraption you control until each one has exactly the second chosen number of charge counters on it, then put a 1/1 creature token with the chosen color and second chosen creature type onto the battlefield.
: Add one fourth of a mana of any color to your mana pool."I would not eat it with a Rhox,
I would not beat it down with Pox."
-My First Tome
I would not beat it down with Pox."
-My First Tome
: Add to your mana pool. When that mana is spent to cast a blue instant spell, copy that spell and you may choose new targets for the copy.The myr's mastery over the elements is so revered that the weekly mining schedule is named in their honor: "spoonerism".
2/2
: Add 
to your mana pool.
, Give yourself three poison counters: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool.
All counters on players are poison counters (instead of any other type of counter).
"Taste the rainbow! But don't taste those multicolored toads...oh."
: You lose the game."Hey, Jace! You may be a 4-of in every deck, but you've still got a long way to go before you catch up to Islands being a 24-of in every deck!"
U
Artifact Creature Land – Myr Cat
(Karoo Myr Cat isn't a spell, and it gets summoning sickness.)
When Karoo Myr Cat enters the battlefield, sacrifice it unless you return another land you control to its owner's hand and pay
.
Vigilance
: Add to your mana pool.
When Karoo Myr Cat enters the battlefield, sacrifice it unless you return another land you control to its owner's hand and pay
.
Vigilance
: Add to your mana pool.2/1
: Add to your mana pool. (That's better than 
because you don't have to suck up to the MAN!)
When Mount Gox becomes the target of a spell or ability, sacrifice it, put a token onto the battlefield that's a copy of it except its name becomes a randomly chosen name, and flip two coins. If you lose both flips, lose 20 life.
: Add to your mana pool.
: Urza's Toughness Plant becomes a 0/3 green Plant creature with defender until end of turn. It's still a land.
: Target Plant creature gets +0/+3 until end of turn.Show frames: W U B R G M A L
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| SM Joke Card Dump: Cardlist | Visual spoiler | Export | Booster | Comments | Search | Recent activity |
last 2011-12-12 12:00:45 by Alex