[NONCANON] My Random Shit: Mechanics

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Mechanics | Shiftrrs | Mechanics 2.0 | Set symbol | Grey Mana | Yellow Cards in this Set | Sins & Virtues | Basic Animal Groups

Imprison: {t}: Exile target creature. Then, return it to the battlefield triple-tapped and inhabit it onto a Gate for free. It cannot be removed from that gate for X turns where X is five plus the amount of damage it dealt this game. It is treated as though it doesn't exist while it's inhabiting that Gate. Used on 1 cards: Cowwarden
Cowardice: Whenever a creature with a higher cost, power, or toughness than this creature enters the battlefield, exile ~ thrice and lose 100 life. Used on 3 cards: Cowwarden, Cowwardingman, Cowward
Smelting: PARAM2, {t}: PARAM1ASWORDS target Blocks that can be smelted transform at the beginning of their controllers next upkeep and each deal 1 damage to that player. Used on 2 cards: MC Campfire, Furnace Block
Discover: Reveal three cards at random from your library and put one into your hand. Then, put the rest back and shuffle. Used on 1 cards: Archmage of Truth

Inspired by my very limited knowledge of the rival game hearthstone

Deathprice: Any player may destroy ~ at any time by paying {x}, where X is ~'s converted mana cost. Used on 1 cards: Recharge
Lockpick: {1}, {t}: Tap target artifact. Then, you gain control of it UEOT. Used on 3 cards: Twisted Paperclip, Ingrown Toenail, Lockpicker
Defecate: Exile any number of cards from the top of your library. If you exile exactly PARAM1ASWORDS common cards this way, draw those many cards. Otherwise, discard a card. Used on 12 cards: Tuna Sammich, Crude Oil, Potty Training, Eep, Father Fodder, Ree!, Turdle, Poopy Fart, Explosive Diarrhea, Eric Cartman, the Fractured But Whole, Mr Happy, Christmas Poop, Take a Dump
Etch: When this spell resolves, you may pay PARAM1. If you do it's effects are permanent. Used on 2 cards: Spotlight, Laser Engravement
Diving: This creature cannot be blocked except by creatures with Diving and can only block creatures with Diving. Used on 3 cards: Deep-Sea Horror, Sub-Aquatic Inventor, Deep-Sea Treasure-Hunter

sort of like high flying

Passenger: Whenever ~ attacks and isn't blocked, you may place up to PARAM1ASWORDS blocked creatures you control on it UEOT. ~ gets +X/+0 where X is the total power of cards placed on it. Used on 1 cards: Flying Carpet
Hydrophobic: ~ cannot be in play if a blue thing is Used on 2 cards: Hydrophobe, Wimpy Oil
Squirrellink: Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to make those many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens Used on 1 cards: Squirrel Girl
Lifetouch: Whenever ~ deals combat damage to a creature, that creature's controller gains that much life Used on 3 cards: Sad Clown, Unvil the Anti-Vil, Unyhs the Anti-Yh
Deathlink: Damage dealt by ~ causes it's controller to lose that much life Used on 5 cards: Sin Fyip, Sad Clown, Notak, Unvil the Anti-Vil, Unyhs the Anti-Yh
Roaring: {g}: Target creature can't block ~ until end of turn Used on 1 cards: Roreh, Beastly Rereh
Snorting: {g}: +1/+0 until end of turn Used on 3 cards: Stuffy Nose, Crackhead, Bull
Grazing: Double-Tap an untapped Forest or Plains: +0/+1 until end of turn Used on 4 cards: Domodino, Lord of the Buffets, Deer, Midnight Hunting
Firebreathing: {r}: +1/+0 until end of turn Used on 8 cards: Sun Fyip, Firebreathing Domo, Dom's Hitmyran, Fire Elemelon, Basic Dragon, Jinjurr, Lord of Redheads, Hot Dog, Dragoon
Speculate: When you cast ~, exile it with PARAM1ASWORDS guess counters on it. At the beginning of each of your upkeeps, remove a guess counter from it. When there are no guess counters on it, you may cast it without paying it's mana cost, if you do, exile the Antichrist Used on 1 cards: Omen of Old Men


Indigestion: Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, you may discard a card. When you do, add {r}. Used on 2 cards: Fat Ass (the Second), Fatboi
Spaceflight: This creature cannot be blocked except by creatures with Spaceflight or by Astronauts Used on 2 cards: Fun Gull, Amazing Astronaut
Fishing: This creature can block creatures with Swimming Used on 4 cards: Fish (the Verb), Penguin, Noah, the Arkmage, Fisherman
Swimming: This creature cannot be blocked except by creatures with Swimming or Fishing Used on 11 cards: Scalefin, Boned Fish, Loan Shark, Hammerhead Shark, Swim, Rubber Ducky, Penguin, Noah, the Arkmage, Catfish, Fish, Aquapus
Royal: ~ is Gold, and has Indestructible and Hexproof Used on 18 cards: Medusa, Queen of Gorgons, Royal Zombie, Chef Royale, Xob of the Box, Golden Golem, Eldrago, Golden Hen, Bald Eagle, Pivipi, Battle Goddess, Elvis the King, Cat Royale, Jinjurr, Lord of Redheads, Hurdur, King of Mykazoo, Queen of Hearts, The Snow Queen, Elitist, Eldurr, King of Yerlfott, Royal Kobra
Storage: As long as there are PARAM1ASWORDS or fewer cards on this permanent, you may put a card from your hand onto it face down. Activate this ability at sorcery speed. {2}: Choose a card on ~ and put it into your hand. If you do, you may cast it for four mana of any combination of colors or colorless less this turn. Activate this ability only if the chosen card has been on ~ for at least one turn. Used on 11 cards: Kicker's Box, Pocket Universe, Pocket, Deckbox, Xob of the Box, Mangaroo, Kangaroo, Treasure Chest, Box, Hot Pocket, Shipping Container
Trade: You and another target player of your choice may agree to each swap a chosen card into the other's hand. Used on 3 cards: Slave Trade, MC Villager, Trade
Puppet: {5}: Activate one of ~'s abilities, any player may activate this ability, if they do, they gain a Puppetmastery emblem {1}: Activate one of ~'s abilities, any player that controls a Puppetmastery emblem may activate this ability Used on 2 cards: Kermit Teh Froge, The Count
Count: Count from 1 to PARAM1 out loud. If you miss, add or mispronounce a number or interject something else, put ~ into your graveyard. If you succeed the count, you gain life equal to the number of numbers you counted. Used on 3 cards: Numberloop, Missing 420, The Count
Rental: You may cast ~ without paying it's mana cost. For each mana not paid, put a Rent counter on it. At any time, you may remove a Rent counter by paying {2}. At the beginning of your end step, if it has any Rent counters on it, you lose 4 life. Used on 2 cards: Loan Shark, Apartment
Cook: PARAM2: Create a PARAM1 token Used on 13 cards: Bakin' Bacon, Mana Nana, Chef Royale, Dozenry, Bakery, Cookie Cookery, Moon Diner, Witch's Oven, Baker's Oven, Obama's Barracks, Italian Nana, Haus Mama, Housewife

make foods

One-Off: Only one of ~ may be in any deck, and only one may be played per match Used on 2 cards: You Only Ask Once (YOAO), Reinvent the Wheel
Google: Search something on https://www.google.ca Used on 3 cards: Google Plex, Computer, Google Feud

millenials love this mechanic!

Bad Defender: ~ cannot attack. When blocking, it doesn't protect combat damage, and does not deal any damage. Used on 1 cards: Supernub
Scarred: Whenever ~ is dealt combat damage, it deal PARAM1 damage to each other creature. Used on 3 cards: Crude Oil, Eric Cartman, the Fractured But Whole, Joker
Laugh: To Laugh, laugh for PARAM1ASWORDS intervals of fifteen seconds, for each time your opponent visibly dislikes it, you gain 2 life. Used on 9 cards: Giggle, Caillou, Hurdur's Throneboi, Hood // Wink, Bad Pun, Pun, Funny Dirb, Funny Knee, Kek
Jump Boost: ~ can jump PARAM1ASWORDS more blocks/meters when the space key is pressed than the base character. Used on 12 cards: Kermit Teh Froge, Sonic Fastboi, Leaping Potion, Jimminy Cricket, Rabid Rabbit, Rapid Rabbit, Mangaroo, Kangaroo, The Pink Panther, Bunny Wabbit, Mario, Frog
Hungry: Whenever ~ attacks and becomes blocked, destroy target creature blocking it. When you do, put PARAM1ASWORDS +1/+1 counters on this creature. Used on 3 cards: Hungry Hungry Hippo, Eric Cartman, the Fractured But Whole, African Child

In card text or details pages, write the mechanic's code name (playtest name) between square brackets, like "[Crittercast]", "[Bushido 1]" or "[Delay 4 {2}{R}{R}]". It will be expanded to the mechanic's name plus reminder text, such as "Suspend 4 – {2}{r}{r}. (Rather than cast this spell from your hand,...)"
To expand a mechanic's name but not its reminder text, include parentheses at the end of the square brackets: "[Crittercast()]", "[Delay 9 {R}()]".