I suggest immediately exiling both cards and creating tokens the way embalm does. That way there are no memory issues with the delayed effect of the exile effect. Also you should save some words. That's something this card text sorely needs.

The indefinite addition of flying lifelink also seems ill-advised. If you don't care about this being evergreen, prefer keyword counters or just consider it part of the token creation if you choose that route (the way eternalize does) or grant the transformation only until end of turn.

For shortness of text I'd replace the directv damage effect with haste as a final additional keyword. Acts somewhat similar but makes for a more compact and easier to grok ability text.

Creating a token would lead to more words, I think, so I went with something entirely different.

Is it a concern that you could just sacrifice either or both of the reanimated creatures and ignore the wordy drawback?

I dunno. I feel like it's a feature more than a concern.