I mentioned it before, but triggered abilities on Equipment work better if you put the triggered ability straight on the Equipment itself rather than creating a static ability that puts a triggered ability on the equipped creature.

In this specific case that's also the reason you failed to close all the quotation marks.

Check Reef Worm if you insist on this wording though.

Also: How does a creature deal combat damage "with an artifact"?

To be blunt, how should I write the the card so that the triggered ability is directly on the artifact?

I was tired, and the wording should have been "player who controls an artifact."

Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player who controls an artifact, create a treasure token.