Meanwhile, in an alternative reality where artifacts aren't just completely ignoring the color pie...

• : Can deal damage.
• : Can deal damage to attacking or blocking creatures.
• : Can deal damage in certain contexts (Last Kiss) - life payment is an appropriate way to lax restrictions.
• : Can deal damage as long the source of that damage requires you to control a creature (Rabid Bite).
• : Nope, no damage. Also, it isn't interested in using such primitive weapons because the color is an intellectual snob.

... or you know, we could just say "screw it" and go with Aeolipile because why not? It's last printing is the using the new, "correct" terminology of "any target" so it must've done something right. We can just sit and wait for artifacts to erode the color pie away.

Do we even remember what it's like to see colors in cards lack thereof? The color pie is hurting. We don't need to win the war - just turn the tide.

EDIT: You can do a minor bend with this in a mono- by playing colorless creatures and then equipping this to such a creature. I find that acceptable :)