These are all blue abilities obscured by a red haze of randomness. Not cuttin' it.

You sure? It’s a serious night of partying personified.

Admittedly, I have my anti-hybrid bias.

“One of you will be drunk and falling over! One of you won’t remember how you got home! And one of you will come home with us!”

This is interesting. Pretty narrow, too.

Should the word 'creature' be replaced with 'permanent'?

Permanent would be increasing the random pool way too much.

Actually, I think permanent could work on the last two. Nolan's got a fair point; with the potential for craploads of permanents on the board, you could be rolling a D20 to resolve it. Still, I think people may be disappointed to get ready to steal something and only get a forest.

As far as "narrow" goes, perhaps this is way more "Johnny/Timmy" than "Spike". I know that you (Dan) particularly hate facing Planeswalkers and think that using them is sort of a cheap play. This might be the PW that makes far more sense in casual play, which I don't know has really happened yet.

That said, with burn and bounce tricks up your sleeve, it's still Mind Control on turn 4.

I suppose I could replace the last ability with a trade trick. I give you crap and take your best permanent; i.e. I buy you a cheap beer and take your girl.

They could return all land target Player controls to their hand. That would be both blue and red; blue is bounce, red is land denial...

Then I suppose I could make the proposed swap effect the middle "minus". That would set up me giving you a land for your bomb, followed by me bouncing your lands and getting mine back.

Mindslaver ultimate was already used on Sorin 1.

I like the first two abilities, though I wish the +1 had a bit more immediate impact. But it is a 3cc, so maybe that's not a valid goal.

I’d have gone draw 2, “discard at random” or ”discard 1, draw 1”, but there’s already a lot of card filtering in the set and it didn’t say “controllable/uncontrollable” in any way.

Wheel of Fortune for a final? It would allow me to switch out the half-wheel I already have in red for a better feint trick.

Maybe something like:

I don't know. It's hard to find synergy with the abilities that you already have, and the flavor is equally difficult to hit. Wheel of Fortune is just sort of blah for an ultimate.

Okay, this seems awesomely fresh. Let's give it a shot...

I've probably got the templating for that first part—by which I mean the "do two things" clause—all wonky, but I don't know that the correct templating for that has been invented yet.