If I were damaged... when? This turn (would be odd on an upkeep event)? Ever?

Ever I guess - I don't feel that's a large enough downside for an insanely cheap card, though.

Kind of odd that this goes away if you Shock your opponent. Of all the colors prepared to deal with this card, red seems the most capable.

Uh - shock isn't a creature. My reading is that you'd have to hit them with a creature that is non-red. Which you have a chance to do, maybe, since this is very very obviously red-aggro.

Though it's also a stonking blocker; so maybe you don't.

Oh, cripes, I totally read that wrong. Ignore my blatant ignorance.