Welcome back! Today we have an aura that turns a creature into a vehicle. That makes it a relatively straightforward Pacifism alternative, though there's a couple of odd side effects:

• You can use this enchantment to reduce the cost to crew a vehicle. That's especially potent, considering the low cost of the aura... combine with a vehicle that has a low casting cost and a high crew cost and there might be trouble. That said, the ideal Phyrexian Dreadnought-like vehicle doesn't exist. And even if there was a card that cost 2 with Crew 8, you could instead just spend your energy finding a way to give the crewing creature +3/+0. At best this would be a mildly efficient two-card combo.
• This turns a creature into an artifact. That means you can follow through with a Naturalize. That's not ideal, but white can already destroy just about anything, and this card was already a piece of creature removal, so you're using two cards to remove something even more. Frustrating, but seems acceptable.

Alright, back to the important bit. What's the name of this card?

Yeah; this is weird. I guess it's usable as an early game o-ring. Indeed, if you're getting rid of the opponents creatures a lot, it's as good as your other removal. It just falls down on the job in an amusing way if you lose tempo.

Nonetheless, there's one obvious image here. And one obvious thing to name this power: Revolutionise the World

(And, obviously, the rose bride also gets put into the same set, as your desired low cost huge-crew equipment-car.)

­Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku! ­
Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku! ­
Shussei touroku, senrei meibo, shibou touroku. ­
Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku! ­
Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku! ­
Zatashi no tanjou, zettai tanjou, mokushiroku!

God, I'm a sucker for that show. Here's an AMV apropos of nothing, if you have three minutes to waste.

­Make Me a Carriage
Enchantment - Aura Wish

­Puppetize

Revolutionary Girl Utena was the first thing I thought of, but I didn't remember enough about it to recognise the references until I clicked jmg's link :)

Hahaha, I had not made the Utena association until I read the thread here. And now I have "mokushi kushimo shimoku mokushi kushimo shimoku" stuck in my head :)

I guess this makes it a Vehicle that's immune to Start Your Engines and Peacewalker Colossus, right?

Jack's first entry is very close to what I first thought, and I love the "deliberately perverse genie interpretation" flavour it conveys. Anything I come up with won't be as good, but for the sake of participation, how about:

Shipping Restraints

That's fun because it admits interpretations of both "I impose red tape regulations before you can enter my city" and "I turned you into a boat and tied you to the dock with rope".

Yeah, oddly this card is a bombo with Start Your Engines and Peacwalker Colossus. That's a shame, but it was important to find wording that didn't explode out of control to get the card to do what it needed to do.

I was very happy to stumble upon the expression "Unless it is crewed," That simplified things considerably.

Yawgmoth's Automobilization

Enchantment - Aura Curse

Flavor Text - OH GOD WHY ARE MY EARS MIRRORS WHY ARE MY LEGS WHEELS

[just kidding on the flavor text, ha ha]

"Yeah, oddly this card is a bombo with Start Your Engines and Peacwalker Colossus."

I guess that's fine for you if you're using it as removal. Is there some combo that would otherwise work that I'm missing?

"I was very happy to stumble upon the expression "Unless it is crewed,""

I keep finding new rules complexities of vehicles... if it just said "Enchanted permanent is a vehicle artifact with crew 5 (it's not a creature unless it is crewed)" would that work, would the crew effect override the permanent type change effect or not? I know this is about layers but not what the answer is.

I also wish there was a better way of saying "enchant X but don't fall off". I almost think that enchantments shouldn't have restrictions at all, just "Enchant X" means "ETB targeting X" and then just stays attached to the permanent ignoring types. I know there's a few enchantments that care about particular restrictions, but it seems like the exception.

One more thought, referencing an origin myth like concept:

­Return to Clay [art shows a giant almost-living statue being crewed by lots of people with ropes and levers]

I kept trying to do something about a colossus being maybe-alive or puppeted alive, but that was the closest I could think of.

@Jack: I'm a little concerned with what people think happens when a crewed vehicle that was a creature, and is now a creature once more, ends the turn. Because what technically happens is kind of meaningless if everyone plays the card wrong. But I think your wording (with your reminder text) may have gotten it better than mine.

­Protection from White is the exemplar of needing "And doesn't fall off" wording, of course.

"I'm a little concerned with what people think happens when a crewed vehicle that was a creature, and is now a creature once more, ends the turn."

Ooh. Yeah, I didn't really think of that. DOES it turn back into a non-creature at the end of turn? That's what I assumed because that's how crew usually works, but I can see how people might think the opposite.

It could be: "Enchanted permanent is a vehicle artifact with crew 5 (it's not a creature unless it was crewed this turn)"?

I think that's more accurate actually, I think "crew" is an event not a state, although I'm not sure!

I thinking wording is really hard, but often the right answer emerges iteratively, some simplifications are only visible after other simplifications have already been made...

Voting is up! Click here to choose your favorite name!

Four way splits are icky. That's why they pay me the big bucks I suppose. I chose 'Make Me A Carriage' because I evidently can not get enough of that Dad joke. Congrats Jack!

See everybody in (((NTC #068)))!

I think that name would have been perfect in Eldraine if it had had a vehicles theme !