Discworld Un-Commander
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When Bloody Stupid Johnson enters the battlefield, create 2 1/1 white Soldier creature tokens.
Tap 2 untapped Soldier creature tokens you control: Go to Scryfall.com and press "Random Card" until you get a nonland card. Target spell becomes a copy of that card. Its controller may choose new targets for that spell.
Tap 2 untapped Soldier creature tokens you control: Go to Scryfall.com and press "Random Card" until you get a nonland card. Target spell becomes a copy of that card. Its controller may choose new targets for that spell.
4/1
Indestructrample (All damage that would be dealt by creatures blocking this creature are dealt instead to the blocking creature's controller.)
Whenever an opponent touches a card you control, The Nac Mac Feegle deals damage equal to its power to them.
Whenever an opponent touches a card you control, The Nac Mac Feegle deals damage equal to its power to them.
1/1
Trample, haste
At the beginning of your end step, exile the top card of your library with a laundry counter on it.
Whenever The Luggage attacks, you may cast a spell from among spells exiled with laundry counters on them without paying its mana cost. If you do, it becomes a sorcery in addition to its other types. (If it would enter the battlefield, sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.)
At the beginning of your end step, exile the top card of your library with a laundry counter on it.
Whenever The Luggage attacks, you may cast a spell from among spells exiled with laundry counters on them without paying its mana cost. If you do, it becomes a sorcery in addition to its other types. (If it would enter the battlefield, sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.)
6/6
Whenever a player casts a spell or activates an ability during one of their opponents' turns, they exile a card from their hand.
The Auditors has protection from cards with words on them in the flavor text of cards exiled with The Auditors.
The Auditors has protection from cards with words on them in the flavor text of cards exiled with The Auditors.
3/3
Tiffany Aching, Witch of the Chalk enters the battlefield with a ritual counter on it for each land you control.
, Remove a ritual counter from Tiffany Aching: Create a 1/1 black Faerie creature token with haste and industrample. (All damage that would be dealt by creatures blocking that creature are dealt instead to the blocking creature's controller.)
, Remove a ritual counter from Tiffany Aching: Create a 1/1 black Faerie creature token with haste and industrample. (All damage that would be dealt by creatures blocking that creature are dealt instead to the blocking creature's controller.)3/3
At the beginning of your upkeep, put the top card of each opponents' library into your hand.
Whenever you cast a spell you don't own, create a 2/2 red Soldier creature token with haste and "Whenever you discard a card you don't own, sacrifice this creature."
Whenever you cast a spell you don't own, create a 2/2 red Soldier creature token with haste and "Whenever you discard a card you don't own, sacrifice this creature."
2/3
Whenever an opponent says the word "monkey", The Librarian, Orangutan deals damage equal to its power to that player and you scry that many cards.
Whenever The Librarian attacks, each player creates a 2/2 red Monkey creature token and you draw a card.
Whenever The Librarian attacks, each player creates a 2/2 red Monkey creature token and you draw a card.
5/4
You can't spend mana to cast instant and sorcery spells.
At the beginning of your end step, suggest a dinner plan you haven't yet suggested this game and ask a person outside the game if they'd be interested. If they say yes, you may cast an instant or sorcery spells from your hand without paying it's mana cost. Otherwise, return an instant or sorcery card from your graveyard to your hand.
At the beginning of your end step, suggest a dinner plan you haven't yet suggested this game and ask a person outside the game if they'd be interested. If they say yes, you may cast an instant or sorcery spells from your hand without paying it's mana cost. Otherwise, return an instant or sorcery card from your graveyard to your hand.
3/4
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile a card you own in exile, from your hand, from your graveyard, or from the top of your library face down. You may look at it any time.
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell from your hand, you may cast an instant or sorcery spell with lesser mana value exiled with Hex, Magic Computer without paying its mana cost.
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell from your hand, you may cast an instant or sorcery spell with lesser mana value exiled with Hex, Magic Computer without paying its mana cost.
: When target instant or sorcery spell deals damage to a player this turn, draw a card.
: Target instant or sorcery spell gains deathtouch.
: Target instant or sorcery spell gains trample.2/5
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a time counter on Death's Hourglass.
When the clock strikes the hour, sacrifice Death's Hourglass. When you do, return X target creature cards from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped, where X is the number of time counters on Death's Hourglass.
When the clock strikes the hour, sacrifice Death's Hourglass. When you do, return X target creature cards from your graveyard to the battlefield tapped, where X is the number of time counters on Death's Hourglass.
When Death, Reaper Man enters the battlefield, exile all creature cards from each opponents' graveyard.
Death gets +1/+1 for each card exiled with it.
Death has all textboxes of all cards exiled with it.
Death gets +1/+1 for each card exiled with it.
Death has all textboxes of all cards exiled with it.
0/0
Spells can't destroy or target Susan, Death's Granddaughter.
All graveyards are also your graveyards.
When Susan enters the battlefield, return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.
All graveyards are also your graveyards.
When Susan enters the battlefield, return target creature card from your graveyard to your hand.
2/2
When Oath of the Watch enters the battlefield, target player becomes the monarch.
Creatures you control have protection from the monarch.
, Sacrifice Oath of the Watch: Name a character from Ankh-Morpork. Each Soldier you control becomes a copy of it until end of turn.
Creatures you control have protection from the monarch.
, Sacrifice Oath of the Watch: Name a character from Ankh-Morpork. Each Soldier you control becomes a copy of it until end of turn.Soldier tokens you control are copies of each creature your opponents control.
: Create a 3/3 white Soldier creature token with vigilance.
: Create a 3/3 white Soldier creature token with vigilance.5/5
When Vetinari, Polished Tyrant enters the battlefield, put target creature into your hand.
Each player may spend mana as though it was mana of any type to cast spells they don't own or activate abilities of cards they don't own.
Each player may spend mana as though it was mana of any type to cast spells they don't own or activate abilities of cards they don't own.
4/4
Remove a ritual counter from Granny Weatherwax: Surveil 1, then draw a card. Activate only if you control a permanent with the most lines of flavor text or tied for the most lines.
At the beginning of your end step, put a ritual counter on each Witch you control.
At the beginning of your end step, put a ritual counter on each Witch you control.
3/3
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a ritual counter on Nanny Ogg.
Ritual counters on Humans you control are also Food tokens.
Whenever you sacrifice a counter, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
Ritual counters on Humans you control are also Food tokens.
Whenever you sacrifice a counter, creatures you control get +1/+1 until end of turn.
3/4
As long as it's night, Witches you control have flying.
As long as it's day, creatures lose flying.
As long as it's day, creatures lose flying.
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Other creatures with Death in their art, flavor text, or name have horsemanship.