That's really wordy, especially for a common. Including flavor text also seems a tad unreasonable with that amount of rules text.

You could try combining the doesn't-untap and no-activations clauses together like in Encrust and Hold for Questioning.

Maybe something like:

> Enchanted creature doesn't untap during its controller's untap step, its activated abilities can't be activated, and its triggered abilities don't trigger.

None of your cards are 'active' btw so they don't for example show in the visual spoiler.

Yeah, right now I'm just dumping a bunch of ideas here. Once I build a set skeleton I'll start assigning cards to it and activating them