CardName: Grizzled Janitor
Cost: w
Type: Creature - Human Sponge
Pow/Tgh: 3/3
Rules Text: You may cast Grizzled Janitor during your cleanup step, but
not at any other time. (You can't cast spells during the
cleanup step unless a triggered ability or state-based
action takes place at that time.)
Flavour Text: "Cleanup in aisle...oh, to hell with it."
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Insaneplayer Angel
Cost: 3WW
Type: Chase Creature - Angel
Pow/Tgh: 0/0
Rules Text: Flying, vigilance
As long as you're playing at FNM, Insaneplayer Angel has
protection from everything.
Insaneplayer Angel gets +1/+1 for each full 100 Planeswalker
Points you've earned this season.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Mythic



CardName: Last Line of Defense
Cost: 7W
Type: Instant
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Put 300 1/1 white Soldier creature tokens with defender onto
the battlefield. You can't cast spells for the rest of the
game.
Madness {W}
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Mythic



CardName: One with Something
Cost: W
Type: Instant
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Draw your hand. (Lay it flat against a sheet of paper and
run along the outline with a pen or pencil, then color it
and show it to your mommy.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Stay of Execution
Cost: 
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Players play a **Magic** subgame, using their libraries as
decks. Each player who doesn't win the subgame loses half
his or her life, rounded up. Then each player shuffles all
cards he or she owns from the subgame into his or her
library.
Miracle {W}{W}
Flavour Text: It'll be a MIRACLE if this game actually finishes in time!
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: The Fourth Wall
Cost: 4WW
Type: Creature - Wall
Pow/Tgh: 0/10
Rules Text: When The Fourth Wall is put into a graveyard from the
battlefield, if three other cards named The Fourth Wall are
in your graveyard, you win the game.
Flavour Text: It likes being broken.
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Cloak of Jace
Cost: 1U
Type: Enchantment - Aura
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Enchant planeswalker
Enchanted planeswalker is unattackable.
Flavour Text: "You can't see me, I'm invisible now! Just like the money in
your wallet."
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Mythic



CardName: Epic Fail
Cost: UU
Type: Instant
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Counter target spell. Its controller discards a card.

Epic (Hey, it's in the card name.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Ixidor's Tattoo Parlor
Cost: 3UU
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Change the text of target nontoken creature you own by
writing your choice of "flying", "shadow", "shroud", or
"protection from green" in its text box. (This effect
doesn't end...ever. At least not if you had the sense to
write in non-erasable ink.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Longing Memory
Cost: UU
Type: Enchantment
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: {U}{U}: Counter target spell. Activate this ability only any
time you could cast an interrupt. (You could cast interrupts
between August 1993 and April 1999.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Magikarp
Cost: 4U
Type: Creature - Fish
Pow/Tgh: 0/1
Rules Text: Evolve, evolve, evolve, evolve, evolve, evolve, evolve
Flavour Text: "...Karp?"
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: O-Kagachi's Phantom Bus
Cost: UU
Type: Instant - Arcane
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Counter target spell. If you do, at the beginning of your
next precombat main phase, add {X} to your mana pool, where
X is that spell's converted mana cost. If a Spirit or Arcane
spell is countered this way, destroy all creatures you
control. (As if you're playing any.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Quicksliver Gargantuan
Cost: 5UU
Type: Creature - Sliver Shapeshifter
Pow/Tgh: 7/7
Rules Text: Flash
You may have Quicksliver Gargantuan enter the battlefield as
a copy of any Sliver creature on the battlefield, except
it's 7/7 and has "Sliver cards that aren't on the
battlefield have flash."
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Dis-MEME-ber
Cost: 1{PB}{PB}
Type: Instant
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: You get an emblem with "All creatures get -5/-5"
because--let's face it, they're all just going to die
anyway.
Flavour Text: "You can always use Terror, Doom Blade, Go for the Throat,
Vendetta, Deathmark..."
--*How to Kill a Tarmogoyf, vol. I*
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Five-Dollar Wrench
Cost: B
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Destroy target creature that has a card encoded on it.
Flavour Text: "We may not be able to break your secrets, but we can
certainly break you."
--Teysa Karlov
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Foalslayer
Cost: 3B
Type: Creature - Demon
Pow/Tgh: 3/3
Rules Text: Delve
If a creature card with horsemanship was exiled with
Foalslayer's delve ability, Foalslayer has horsemanship. The
same is true for "When this creature dies, you gain 1 life"
and "{1}{R}, {T}: Target Dwarf gains mountainwalk until end
of turn."
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Phyrexian Shopping Channel
Cost: BB
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Until end of turn, you gain "Pay 2 life: Add one mana of any
color to your mana pool."
Flavour Text: Limited time offer! Call Master Karn now at 425-204-8069 and
if you're lucky, you might even live to hang up the phone!
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Solipsist's Victory
Cost: 5BBB
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Your range of influence becomes 0.
Flavour Text: "I don't care what you want. I'm not scared by what you can
do. I don't even know if you're out there. I know what I am,
and that's enough."
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Spike, Flagship Predator
Cost: 2BB
Type: Legendary Creature - Human Gamer
Pow/Tgh: 1/1
Rules Text: Whenever you use the Magic Store & Event Locator to find
tournaments in your area, you may pay {4}. If you do, cast
target nonland card in your graveyard without paying its
mana cost.
Flavour Text: "Just wait till I get my Magic Store & Event Locator to
load...and pay all these data overage fees."
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Umezawa's Kitty
Cost: B
Type: Legendary Creature - Cat
Pow/Tgh: 0/2
Rules Text: Whenever Umezawa's Kitty deals combat damage, put two yarn
counters on it.
Remove a yarn counter from Umezawa's Kitty: Choose one --
Umezawa's Kitty gets +2/+2 until end of turn, or put a 1/1
black Rat Zombie creature token onto the battlefield, or
target opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Aether's Embrace
Cost: 2R
Type: Enchantment
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Oozes are red.
Vehicles crewed
by two or more creatures
get +2/+2.
Flavour Text: But the Heart of Kiran
will be watching you.
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Blazing Pact
Cost: 0
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Blazing Pact deals an amount of damage of your choice to
target creature or player.
At the beginning of your next upkeep, pay {X}{R}, where X is
the amount of damage Blazing Pact dealt this way. If you
don't, you lose the game.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Energizer Bunny
Cost: RR
Type: Ongoing Creature - Rabbit
Pow/Tgh: 2/2
Rules Text: (Energizer Bunny keeps going and going...)
Energizer Bunny enters the battlefield with 20 charge
counters on it.
When Energizer Bunny has no charge counters on it, go to the
store and buy a new one.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Leyline of Pun-ishment
Cost: 2RR
Type: Enchantment
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: If Leyline of Pun-ishment is in your opening hand, you may
begin the game with it on the battlefield.
If Leyline of Pun-ishment is in your closing hand, you're
probably about to punch someone in the face with it. (That's
going to get you disqualified, of course.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Multiverse of Bums
Cost: R
Type: World Sparked Enchantment
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: (Sparked is to planeswalker as tribal is to creature.)
Multiverse of Bums is every planeswalker type (at all
times).
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Quizzy, Izzet Immortician
Cost: 2R
Type: Legendary Creature - Goblin
Pow/Tgh: 1/1
Rules Text: Dredge 0
Flavour Text: When the new Guildpact allowed the Izzet to peek into other
guilds' technology, the fun was only just beginning.
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Vol-tron, Savior of Tarkir
Cost: 6RR
Type: Sparked Creature - Dragon Sarkhan Ugin
Pow/Tgh: 4/4
Rules Text: (Sparked is to planeswalker as tribal is to creature.)
When Vol-tron, Savior of Tarkir enters the battlefield, if
it's on the battlefield, search your library for up to three
Dragon creature cards and reveal them. Those cards gain
bestow {0}. Cast any number of them for their bestow costs
targeting Vol-tron, then shuffle your library.
Vol-tron gets +3/+3 for each Aura attached to it.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Mythic



CardName: Nesting Sliver
Cost: 4G
Type: Creature - Sliver
Pow/Tgh: 1/1
Rules Text: All Slivers have "All Slivers get +0/+1 and have this
ability" and this ability.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Tarmostone Vortex
Cost: 1G
Type: Tribal Artifact Enchantment - Lhurgoyf
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Cards that aren't in the game are in their owners'
graveyards in addition to not being in the game.
Flavour Text: There are some things in this world that already make no
sense. For everything else, there's Tarmostone Vortex.
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Tutu Cat
Cost: 1G
Type: Creature - Cat
Pow/Tgh: 19/19
Rules Text: Tutu Cat is 2/2.
Flavour Text: I CAN HAZ PLUS SEVNTEEN PLUS SEVNTEEN? BUT NOT IF I HAZ TO
WEAR DIS HUMEOWIATING DRESS.
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Fblthp, God of Displacement
Cost: 1WU
Type: Legendary Enchantment Creature - God
Pow/Tgh: 4/4
Rules Text: Indestructible
As long as the sum of your devotions to white and blue is
less than five, Fblthp isn't a creature.
You can't lose the game if you've lost life this turn.
{W}{U}: Another target creature loses all abilities until
end of turn. (Treat an undefined power or toughness as 0.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: 4'33"
Cost: 4gggwww
Type: Creature - Beast Bard
Pow/Tgh: 4/33
Rules Text: 
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Ajani's Primate
Cost: 1GW
Type: Creature - Ape
Pow/Tgh: 3/3
Rules Text: As long as you control an Ajani planeswalker, Ajani's
Primate gets +3/+3 and has defender, and that planeswalker's
loyalty abilities cost an additional [+1] to activate.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Pinocchioken
Cost: GW
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Target token becomes a REAL CARD!
Flavour Text: Just kidding. This card will now grow until it gets to be
one of those 6x9 oversize cards.
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: In-surrak-tion
Cost: 5GUR
Type: Sorcery
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Untap all creatures and gain control of them until end of
turn. They gain haste, lose all other abilities, and become
4/4 Bears. At the beginning of the next end step, each of
those creatures fights itself.
Flavour Text: Care bear stare, or werebear glare?
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Mini-Myojin
Cost: WUBRG
Type: Legendary Creature - Spirit
Pow/Tgh: 6/6
Rules Text: Other spells you cast with Myojin in their names cost {7}
less to cast.
Mini-Myojin is indestructible as long as it has a divinity
counter on it.
*Grandeur* - Discard another card named Mini-Myojin:
Proliferate, then put a divinity counter on Mini-Myojin
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Mythic



CardName: Fifth-Sun Quan, Lord of WUBRG
Cost: 5
Type: Legendary Artifact Creature - Golem
Pow/Tgh: 3/3
Rules Text: Sunburst (This creature enters the battlefield with a +1/+1
counter for each different color of mana spent to pay its
cost.)
Trample
Other creatures you control have sunburst.
Flavour Text: The golem used to have a horse, but it couldn't hold up all
that weight and was crushed beneath its rider.
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Mirrodin's Coors
Cost: 6
Type: Artifact Creature - Ooze
Pow/Tgh: 2/6
Rules Text: Hexproof (This permanent is 3% alcohol by volume.)
Whenever Mirrodin's Coors deals damage to a creature, tap
that creature and it doesn't untap during its controller's
next untap step.
{6}: Recycle Mirrodin's Coors. (Sacrifice it. If you do, put
a token onto the battlefield that's a copy of it.)
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Common



CardName: Noah's Monarch
Cost: 2
Type: Legendary Artifact
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: If a player would become the monarch while exactly one other
player is the monarch, instead both of those players become
monarchs.
{5}, {T}: Choose a creature type, then put two 1/1 colorless
creature tokens of the chosen type onto the battlefield.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Rube Goldberg Machine
Cost: 5
Type: Artifact - Contraption
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: Each Trap card in your hand has splice onto Trap. Its splice
cost is equal to the first mana cost that appears in its
text box.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Shroud of Turing
Cost: X
Type: Artifact - Contraption
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: As Shroud of Turing enters the battlefield, choose a color,
two creature types, and two numbers, then put X charge
counters on Shroud of Turing.
Whenever a creature of the first chosen creature type dies,
if Shroud of Turing has exactly the first chosen number of
charge counters on it, the game ends in a draw if the second
chosen number is 0 or less. Otherwise, add or remove charge
counters from each Contraption you control until each one
has exactly the second chosen number of charge counters on
it, then put a 1/1 creature token with the chosen color and
second chosen creature type onto the battlefield.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Mythic



CardName: Smallmox
Cost: 0
Type: Artifact
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: {T}: Add one fourth of a mana of any color to your mana
pool.
Flavour Text: "I would not eat it with a Rhox,
I would not beat it down with Pox."
-My First Tome
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Spoonsilver Myr
Cost: 4
Type: Artifact Creature - Myr
Pow/Tgh: 2/2
Rules Text: {T}: Add {U} to your mana pool. When that mana is spent to
cast a blue instant spell, copy that spell and you may
choose new targets for the copy.
Flavour Text: The myr's mastery over the elements is so revered that the
weekly mining schedule is named in their honor:
"spoonerism".
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Candy Land
Cost: 
Type: Land
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: {T}: Add {C} to your mana pool.
{T}, Give yourself three poison counters: Add one mana of
any color to your mana pool.
All counters on players are poison counters (instead of any
other type of counter).
Flavour Text: "Taste the rainbow! But don't taste those multicolored
toads...oh."
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Islands Are Broken!
Cost: 
Type: Basic Land - Island
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: {Q}: You lose the game.
Flavour Text: "Hey, Jace! You may be a 4-of in every deck, but you've
still got a long way to go before you catch up to Islands
being a 24-of in every deck!"
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Mythic



CardName: Karoo Myr Cat
Cost: 
Type: Artifact Creature Land - Myr Cat
Pow/Tgh: 2/1
Rules Text: (Karoo Myr Cat isn't a spell, and it gets summoning
sickness.)
When Karoo Myr Cat enters the battlefield, sacrifice it
unless you return another land you control to its owner's
hand and pay {2}.
Vigilance
{T}: Add {1}{W} to your mana pool.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon



CardName: Mount Gox
Cost: 
Type: Legendary Enchantment Land
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: {T}: Add {R} to your mana pool. (That's better than {G}
because you don't have to suck up to the MAN!)
When Mount Gox becomes the target of a spell or ability,
sacrifice it, put a token onto the battlefield that's a copy
of it except its name becomes a randomly chosen name, and
flip two coins. If you lose both flips, lose 20 life.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Rare



CardName: Urza's Toughness Plant
Cost: 
Type: Land - Urza's Toughness-Plant
Pow/Tgh: /
Rules Text: {T}: Add {C} to your mana pool.
{1}: Urza's Toughness Plant becomes a 0/3 green Plant
creature with defender until end of turn. It's still a land.
{T}: Target Plant creature gets +0/+3 until end of turn.
Flavour Text: 
Set/Rarity: SM Joke Card Dump Uncommon